Do you regift?
I do not think I have ever regifted. I may have, but I can’t remember when I have.
I am not opposed to regifting, but there is something about it that for some reason bothers me.
The good news about regifting is that the item in question is supposedly getting a home that cherishes the gift. The person doing the regifting presumably would not be doing so if they valued and cared about the gift to begin with. In addition, regifting presumably allows the original gift recipient to avoid in any way indicating or telling the sender of the original gift that the recipient did not like it, already had one, could not stand the gift, found the gift totally useless, or whatever.
The other benefit of regifting is that it saves money. Yes, you do need to rewrap the present and put a new “To…. And From… card” on it, but that is all.
The negative of regifting, for me anyway, is that it is an admission that the gift that someone spent time, money, postage in some cases, and thought to give me, really means nothing to me. The gift has so little value that I am going to give it to someone else. For some reason, this just does not feel right to me.
Apparently the term regifting got popular after a 1995 episode of Seinfeld. Elaine got upset with Dr. Whatley when he gave Seinfeld a label maker that she had originally given to Dr. Whatley.
This issue or dilemma was brought home to me recently when I received my Christmas presents from my sister Judy.
Before I tell you the story, allow me to state a couple of things. One, I love my sister. Two, I should not have opened the Christmas presents before December 25th.
Having said that, let me tell you the story.
My loving and kid sister (4 years younger) sent me gifts that I know are regifted. You may ask how do I know they are regifted.
The way I know these two gifts are regifted is that I was the one who gave the gifts to her in previous Christmases. Yes, you heard that right. I was the one who gave her the gifts that she is regifting to me!!!
Can you believe that! Who would do something like that? How totally inconsiderate. Or, to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she did not remember that I had given her the gifts originally. Small chance of that.
As you might suspect there is a little bit of a backstory that you should know.
For the past several years I have made a practice of making a contribution in my sister’s name to a non profit cause that I believe in (i.e., www.edgefoundation.org) . I do this in place of giving my sister a more traditional Christmas present. My sister does the same for me.
Yet, I always try to do a little something more, if for no other reason than to remind my sister that I am there for her and that I love her. I also have a little bit of a young kid’s devilish streak still in me. So, on occasion, I will try to add a little fun, by getting her something that I hope will bring a smile to her face.
So, naturally, I think about what my sister hates most in the world. What is she most scared about.
The answer is snakes. She hates snakes of all kinds.
You can see where this is going. So, for the last few years I have made a point of finding snakes (not alive ones, but dead ones) or representations of snakes to send to her for Christmas. HaHa. It was designed to be funny, hilarious, and bring a smile to her face. And hopefully it has been.
Now, back to the regifting story. The gifts that my sister sent me this Christmas are two of the snakes that I had given her as gifts in years past. She regifted to me the gifts that I had given her!!
I told you in the beginning that there is something about regifting that bothers me. well, let me tell you, there is everything about regifting to the person that gave you the gift that really bothers me.
So thoughtless, so rude, so uncaring, so unloving, so despicable, so….so….
Even acknowledging the backstory, let’s think through how my sister could have handled this.
She could have…
- Thrown the gift from me away in the garbage without saying a word to me.
- Started a fire on the grill and thrown the gift into the fire so that it would go up in flames.
- Put the gift up on the mantel in her home as a reminder that her brother is caring, funny and adorable.
- Regifted the gift to someone else, not the person who gave her the gift.
- Given the gift to her husband, Harold, who, as far as I know, does not hate snakes.
But, no. My sister decided to…
- Save the gifts for years to regift to me
- Took the time to wrap each in its own Holiday cheerful decorative paper
- Filled out and attached a card saying To…Neil, From… Judy. Merry Christmas
- Went to the Post Office to package the gifts, affix the correct amount of postage, and ship across the country
It turns out that there is an etiquette to regifting as outlined by Emily Post, Mamersmith Etiquette Consulting, Money Management International, and others. Whether they outline 15, 10, 7, or 4 rules for regifting, all of them have the same last rule – namely, be sure that the gift, or knowledge that the gift has been regifted, will not get back to the original giver.
Bottom line, I am not a fan of regifting. In particular I am totally against regifting to the person who sent you the gifts to begin with.
P.S. yes, I still love my sister, but that gets tested from time to time.
Hey Neil. Sorry – I completely disagree with you on this one. I regift all the time. You missed the most important reason – ecological. So much plastic and other materials used for every product and to give a gift that represents resources to someone who is never going to use it, so it just collects dust and is eventually thrown out makes no sense and is a waste, the symptom of a culture of excess consumption that is so destructive to our planet. You can give a gift away to charity of course, but if you know someone that would use it, your taking something that is now ‘yours’ and gifting it to them is still a giving act. It does not disrespect the person who gave it if you acknowledged and thanked them for that gift. Of course, it is good to try to avoid regifting back to someone but but a mistake we all have made; I have done that once, to my son Ian. He thought it was hilarious and it became a family joke. So, I am a card carrying regifter and proud of it!
Cynthia,
every once in a while it is fun to lay yourself out there with a particular position on a particular topic, knowing in advance that no one — and i mean no one — will agree with me. this was one of those.
every once in a while, we all need to be hammered. that is what is happening to me today.
love, Neil
As Neil’s sister, I have to respond!! Yes, I regifted the snakes in good humor and with love!! They honestly begged to be regifted!! Love you, Neil!! Cynthia, I love you too!!
In this case, I think my sense-of-humor trigger is goes off easily and yours is a bit jammed… I think the regift was meant as a joke— and I think it’s funny. But you don’t.
Didn’t you give her the gifts as a joke, to tease her about her hatred of snakes? I think she gave them back to you to tease you back.
Teasing by definition is rooted in some degree of cruelty— and sometimes the recipient of teasing doesn’t see the humor. But if you think about it, imagine how she was smiling and laughing as she wrapped these snakes up— it was a Tease!!
Neil: I adore your musings, and am astonishingly in sync with your likes, dislikes, and reasoning (except mint chocolate chip ice cream, which is only just ok). But on this one, my sense of humor is simply more devilish!!)
I hate snakes too, always have, always will. If you sent me snake books,, I would do something more to cause you anxiety than a regift.
Neil…she got ya!
Merry Christmas and a Happy, healthy snakeless New Year!