i made a difficult decision yesterday.

given all the important decisions that one faces in life, this is surely not an important one.  in fact, it was a small decision when compared to the significant decisions that we all make as we continue this amazing journey called life on earth.

what then was the decision that i made yesterday that so difficult for me?

i decided to buy an e-bike — an electric bicycle.

what made the decision so difficult was NOT:

• the cost.   it is not cheap.  they can run anywhere from $2,000 up to $7,000.
• the difficulty in storing the e-bike.  too heavy to stand up, and needs a very, very secure lock to prevent theft.
• the difficulty in figuring out how to transport the bike on a rack on the back of my vehicle.  so heavy that a regular bike rack will not do.  difficult to lift the bike up.
• the number of different options available, such as width of the wheels, battery strength, touring vs mountain use, color, weight, brand, etc.  there are so many options.

No.  the difficulty in making the decision to purchase the e-bike was psychological.  yes, indeed.

what do i mean by that?

to me, the decision to go ahead and get an electric bike is an admission that i am not 42 years old.  it is an admission that:

• i could use some help going up hills.
• i would welcome an occasional boost of energy when the bike ride seems to be really long and i wish i was getting back to where i started sooner rather than later.
• i am getting tired of being passed by every 40+ something as i labor on my current road bike.
• i am worried that on a hill my forward momentum may stop and i will not be able to get at least one bike shoe out of its fitting to prevent a significant fall.
• i am worried that even though i have a new, reconstructed right knee, that at some time when i need it to give me the strength to turn the wheel another time to get up the hill, that somehow it will fail me.

yet, it really is a blow to my ego, my sense of self.  it is an admission that i don’t have what it takes to ride my road bike every day, up and down hills, far and wide.  or, to be a little more generous to myself, an admission that i have a slight hesitancy for the first time on whether to get on the bike and take what would have been a challenging, but fairly routine ride in years past.

to buy the bike required me to make an admission to myself that i am getting older.  not just that, but also that i am losing a little of the physical strength that i had earlier in life. not just that, but also that i could use some help from time to time.  not just that, but also that i need to be a little more cautious as i approach these outdoor activities that i love.

the good news is that when i took the Cannondale Tesoro Neo X electric bike for a 1.5 hour, 15+ mile test ride yesterday, i loved it.  i had to peddle the entire time, so i got my workout.  but i could adjust the level of assist that i wanted to match the situation.  so, if going up a steep hill, i could ask the bike for a significant assist and know that i can make up the hill without crashing or having a heart attack.  i also loved the wide tires, and the wide handlebars.  both of which gave me a sense of stability.  i loved the fact that the front wheel has suspension so that it didn’t matter whether i hit a pothole or not.  i really enjoyed the ride.

still, not an easy decision for me.  and one that i am still processing.