Surgery is not what it used to be, let me tell you.

I can speak with some experience on this, having had in the last six months three surgeries in three different locations and three different hospitals/surgery centers —  a total right knee replacement, bilateral laparoscopic hernias fixed/repaired, and, finally, today, a mostly cosmetic surgery on my right eye.

First, based on my experiences in the last six months a lot of surgery these days is done on an outpatient basis.  That means that you don’t spend the night in the hospital.  You are in and out on the same day.  All three of mine were done this way.  1.5 hours of prep, 2+ hours of surgery, 1+ hour of recovery and you are good to go.  You are pushed out in a wheelchair to an awaiting ride home.

One interesting side note.  The hospitals and surgery centers insist that you have a person that knows you pick you up and drive you home.  They will not let me drive myself home, because of concern about the aftereffects of the anesthesia.   But, surprising to me, and just unbelievable to me, they will not allow me to be picked up by Uber, which is the way I got to the hospital this morning.

Now, this makes no sense to me.  Come on!   When I pressed for an answer on why, they kept saying to me that it was hospital policy.  I know that, I would respond, and I want to know why it is hospital policy.  What is the reason for this crazy rule?  The best I could get out of them that it may have something to do with their desire that I have the person who picks me up, once we arrive at my home, also walk me to the front door, and, if necessary, spend the night with me.  Eeee gad!!  Holy cow!

Full disclosure.  My son works for Uber at its corporate headquarters in San Francisco, and his compensation is tied to some degree to Uber’s stock price.  Having said that, you all know me well enough to know that clearly this fact is not and has not been in any way a factor in my position on this issue!

Second, they are unbelievably routinized and preprogrammed.  They have a system, a procedure and they follow it religiously.  To the nth degree.

The striking example of this is the out loud verbal cadence that the whole team of nurses, anesthesiologists, and doctors do at certain preop moments.  They will repeat verbally, out loud, all in unison and forcefully my name, my birthdate, and the area to be operated on such as the right knee.  Then, 5 minutes later they will repeat the same mantra, right knee.  It is a little unsettling to be honest but also reassuring that they are making sure that they are going to replace the right knee and not the left knee.  Needless to say, there are obvious reasons that they do this now.  Mistakes apparently have happened in the past.

What ever happened to small talk?  you can’t see anybody.  everyone is wearing a mask.  And everyone is wearing a scarf or head band that totally hides their hair.   And remember, this is NOT a Covid ward.  This is general surgery.  What this means, at least in my experience, is that it is much more difficult to strike up a conversation and get to know the nurses and others that are working on you.  it is more antiseptic and less formal and less casual.  You can be sure that I tried my best to break through this routinized, preprogrammed antiseptic environment, but with mixed success.

Finally, there is no question that one thing has not changed and that is the doctor (usually a male) is totally in charge.  He is the jefe, the chief, the tyrant, the king, the dictator, the man in charge.  And no one, and I mean no one, shall question his authority or capabilities at all.  In fact, all others are minions and just do what they are told by him.  And, God forbid, if someone should do something that the doctor does not like.   Then you are in deep trouble.  There is a story here, but more about this at another time.

Having said all this, the great news is that our health care system still produces an unbelievably high-quality product.  Knock on wood, all of my surgeries have been really successful.  I am better for them.  thank you doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists, and attendants.